Saturday, July 20, 2013

Words some good some bad

Yesterday was a great battle of words.  on my cell phone the texts messages were flying between cousins and sisters and our daily activity.  One person had to throw a whine in almost every time! 
This was suppose to be a complain free zone and it was being abused. This frustrated me a lot and I responded in a smart ass way several times. --not Good! Have since apologized and will state clearly the rules when my heart is soft again.

Then after my blog posting our day began to unroll and after coffee it changed for the better -as it almost does 98% of the time. We got drivers license, sat on some couches before purchasing one, did a little art! Planned a little beer fest in our backyard! With just us! 

But then Einstein read my blog from the morning and it upset him. WHAT! I wrote that before I finished my coffee and was trying to work thru feelings of never seeing my kids when I wanted.

During the rest of the evening I felt shame great shame for upsetting him.  Why can't I be like my daughter and only write great things- why can't I be like our other daughter and say what I want and be over it. Shame is a very real thread that adds to the fabric of my life.  

"Maybe I should be through with words and choke on them in my sleep" Maybe I should put away all the desire to do something gratifying in my heart" "maybe if he knew me like I think he should by now he would see that it was a harmless post reflecting the first five minutes of my day!"

Then it hit me - I had written about the first moments of my morning - and that is all it was! Words reflect only a fraction of a day like walking past a mirror and seeing only you at that moment! Your hair is a wreck so you fix it and walk on by.

Einstein I am so sorry it upset you- I will reflect on PAST days so colors of the entire day are included. They are feelings and feelings can't be judged they just are. 

My days are colored in bright yellows and blues for all the energy received in interaction with those I love. But there is always a hint if lavender for the melancholic person I tend to be. There will be streaks of greens for the ways I want to grow and change even at 55!  And pools of reflective silver for me to sit and ponder certain moments--- these truly make up my day.  

The love we have is always always the frame for my day. At the end it always comes down to our love and life together that makes all the colors make sense.

I love you and so sorry that my rapidly  written words upset you - they were not a total pic of my day with you at all.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Fridays off

Einstein gets every other Friday off. Nice huh? Except it messes with my time! He needs to do things that aren't important to me but keep him busy -that is unless he can't find something! Which is every time he needs something. 
Now we are working on "broadcasting signal" to our guest house 100 yards away! 
(For the daughter that no longer wants to be here!) 
there are three boxes needed to do this and they have to fit in my decor some how! He has the radio playing out in the sun room and I can't hear it just enough to know its on! But he says he likes to hear it when he goes outside! Well he hasn't been outside but to let the dog in! Arrrrrrgh!

We will also get our drivers licenses, sit on couches (hope to purchase that today) a class at the gym and hoping a margarita is on the schedule as well!  The sun came out yesterday for the first time since getting back from Chicago

And it was almost as bight as this sweet baby:
 Haha love this face

Started a sketch class yesterday - my fav artist ever
And got so excited I found a couple things I want to utilize: 
Both are garden pieces
And this is a sketch inspired by a hair clip! Lol

Well dog is crying and I am just getting more and more agitated guess I will go shower and get this party started!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Jaja catch up

Morning, please be patient with me as there are so many half thoughts and ideas sauntering through my mind.  And it is a time to celebrate a truly magnificent change in the family tree-- 

Opal Roslyn born 2 weeks early via emergency c-section! 

This sweet baby made my days have such a newness! We are so proud do her and her parents!

July 4th!

Papa instant attachment for this small bundle was reflective of when we brought our own new babies home -- relaxed and patient

And the tears when I had to catch my plane where on the edge of hysteria!
(Ok she wanted to nurse it was really me screaming on the inside "I will be so far away!"

But really we are mesmerized watching our daughter so beautifully become a mother.  Our girls have always been such beautiful smart gifted young women and to see this one almost shine with motherly love just takes our breaths away.

-------------thoughts as a grandmother, the mother of the mother... 
It was hard and amazingly scary to hear that your grand baby's life was in danger from placenta abruption -- but of course my heart broke for our daughter while in great fear she had to accept the council of her doctor for the emergency c-section. And watch her cry as she discussed it with her wonderful calm husband and doctor, she was handed forms to sign (at least 100 it seemed like) I knew all the half thoughts going through her head and really you just have to do whatever they say and do it quickly.   ~as the mother of the mother I was told to get out of the way (I was trying to hold her hand) and suddenly just Dad and I were looking at each other - if he was afraid I didn't see it! He had stars in his eyes when he looked at me and said "it is really happening! We are having our baby today"  I should have hugged him but honestly I was so afraid that my fear would influence his excitement I didn't - I asked him to please keep me so updated that it would be like I was in there! 
Then as he has stated in his portion of the day - they told me to go out by the aquarium and wait for 2 hours! 
The next time I saw my own baby she was so high on motherhood that I had to join in! Even though I had been left in a scared to death state of mind! The nurse let me hold the baby and omg! She was beautiful and I was so so happy but I wanted to hug my baby! She had scared me to death! I remember touching her head, and running my fingers on her cheeks while she held her own baby and thinking, "you will always be my baby" - just like my own mother had said to me even on my 40th birthday - "I love you and soon you will know this love as well!"  This "birth day brought my own moms words and sentiments all back to life and I apologized to her again for not being aware of how hard my own childbirth experiences were on her! 

I spent the day with the new family in their room and my son in law is so fabulous in his care for my daughter that I really had nothing to do but watch and smile. He thought of things before she did! And when I left at 8:00 pm I couldn't wait to get home pour a wine call my big sister and just cry every single tear that I had held in all day long!  

What a day Opal! Welcome to the family! Welcome to the world! And Morgan and Andrew welcome to parenthood!