Sunday, March 11, 2012

Good Morning Jennifer

this morning not fully awake and not realizing it was an hour a later than i thought...
my dream that was at the edge of my awake- was me being interviewed some one had told
a show that i had written a letter to her and it spoke to so many women not just her. She had felt that it was urgent to call this "good morning america" show and let them have it read to thousands of women.
This friend had just caught me with her man, we were not making love but we were intimately close. He had listened to me. shown an interest in what i was about, encouraged me be fearless. As we laid completely vulnerable to one another - neither of us had surrendered to the passion because of the love we felt for our spouses.

The letter had been all about how he did love her not me, i simply loved the idea that some one would find me interesting, that some one would want to listen to me. A life time of putting others first, assuming they were brighter and righter, and much more important-- well not only had i come to believe it but now I couldnt break out of the mold i had made for myself. I had tangled myself up in a net of anxiety and disappointment.
I really just wanted to be able to start over.

As i opened my eyes and uncovered my dream from the sleep fog-- a sensation of my mother's voice (who has been dead since May 1,1999) came loud and clear - Good Morning Jennifer -
Oh, what...."Good Morning Jennifer" and suddenly the new beginning possibility was open, clear and all i had to do was hold tight to it.
Good Morning Jennifer-
* Wake up, share this moment, write it, draw it, make it stick- blog it daily-
* get to work, get the things done that you must as a woman in charge of a home - you get it done - dont whine because "they wont help"
* plan and diffuse the anxiety of the week to come- you have questions- ask them!
* No one can make this healthy and fit thing easy- its not that is why it is a tipping point for so many - it is hard but you had to do hard before, you have sucked it up and stopped making excuses-

I have so much to do today because i spent the day traveling to my sister's yesterday- a day well spent but now stop with the lazy and step up to the plate and--

call my cousin and plan for the changes in the schedule for next week-
plant the plants that were gifted to me yesterday! yard day

Something about the tone of my mothers voice made me feel more youthful, less spent and used up and energized~ oh momma help hold tight to that~~