Monday, April 14, 2014

And winter gets us by the balls again ...

Just going into spring - nature has truly left me in awe.
Indian paintbrush... bluebonnets...scattered fields of color
And spring greens out my front window are simply amazing because all tree and bush limbs were bare just 2 days ago!
A little rain and sun well...

and how awesome sun and warm temps feel on my lonely bones --> then winter jumps up and reminds us it's not dead yet! 

** Like a reawakened zombie...(yes thanks to rain on sunday we are all "walking dead" caught up)

And instantly my energy is gone and all I want to do is eat and my jeans feel tight... I am trapped in the house because I am not going out in the "cold" 40's again!!

So trapped in the house with a Texas breeze of 40 mph winds whipping the bird feeders around! A box of unmade brownies calling my name louder than the weight watchers weigh in tomorrow!  
My cellphone becomes my lifeline! I will talk to those I missed this weekend.
..these are my people! 

My role with each of these peps is different-- even with each of our children! Being the Jaja is most def my fav. Opal likes my funny noises, still thinks I am smart and creative (she is only 10 months old!) and I never mean to keep my daughter on FaceTime more than 10-15 mins but I do sometimes... All she has to do is say its nap time or I need to get ready for hubby to be home and I hang up quickly!

Same with our married oldest son... But he lives in the guest loft 400 ft away so he doesn't have to chat with me but if he did I know his wife is his priority...he will drink beer with me any where and anytime and we can chat or sit glad to have him in Texas with us...

Son #2 really doesn't need much either... No words really - I am ok sitting quietly and having a beer on the beach with him! He figured what he wanted in life at 18 - money! And he is doing just fine... And I live for sunset beach pics from him... And the occasional time to talk... Don't think he will miss us to badly when we die...he just makes his life the way he wants it without any parental help...and he has done an excellent job. He knows he is loved and well that's all he needs! Not even the birthday gifts I sent .. Still hasn't opened one of them and except for the hooters card he won't be too impressed but he knows we were thinking of him his birthday week!
The youngest, the the most beautiful, most stubborn, hardheaded, undecided, bi-polar, talented, creative, painfully-honest, optimist of them all!
 (Am I just getting to an age where I am less patient?)

She needs us but not in any role that her siblings needed us! We can only respond in a tone and with the exact words she already assumed we would say!  But she will call and chat endlessly about what an awesome weekend is coming up, how her kids parents (she's a Nanny and gym coach) rewarded her with praise and or financial tips!

My Einstein believes the youngest makes me laugh more than any of the kids... But she can make me the maddest, and hurt me the quickest... 

This afternoon something I said made her mad and in her style (painfully off the top of her head) 
"Ok, I gotta hang up you are making me mad!"  She has moved out of a friends apartment (male) into another friends (female) So the text I got from her this weekend to last thru the week with was her and her box homeless:

So I didn't get to laugh with her, or end on a good feeling and I wish I hadn't accept her call - And waited to talk to her when I would be less likely to say stupid stuff that aggravates her..

Well babies stay safe and warm and have a great week...think I will call opal or phyllis!

Friday, March 28, 2014

Wow! ChchachaChanges AGAIn!

Ok I am so disappointed it has been so long! Really!! But I can summarize quickly!
* September 2013 took a trip to Chicago to check on Opal the precious grandbaby!
    youngest daughter moved back to Gawga. I was so heart broken! Depressed

* found the local craft brewery - Revolver open with live music on Saturdays! This is way better than

* September we attended our first ever 4 day music festival in Stephenville, tx and celebrated 35     years of marriage with Larry Joe Taylor and several thousand close friends-- it was better than we could've ever imagined!! And fell head over hills in love with Texas Music!

*October flew to Atl and saw my youngest and oldest and drove on to Nashville to see cousins and sisters then back to Atl! ( note: Atl is always near and dear to my heart! But... I was ready to see my Texas! And have my dear husband!

*November 2013   All my babies came out for a week (grandbaby for ten!!) and it was great to have them all here but was a little tricky making sure they didn't get bored! And I stayed too busy being the airport shuttle the first 5 days! Plan that better next!
Thanksgiving was celebrated with two pups at ThreadGills in Austin! It was magical! Austin stole my heart immediately with its beautiful natural beauty- it's hippy soul and it it's music roots! Tried to impress this city on the kids as a fabulous option... Oh well....
~drove to see Tejas Brothers in a tiny bar in Stephensville OMG! They were awesome and during the break hung around the bar and talked ... Asked my favorite part of Texas? "The Texas Music for sure!"
~ drove to weatherford to hear Uncle Lucuis!! AGAIN -- freaking awesome band!! I would run off
with these guys no doubt! We feel certain they are going to explode into the scene and we will have just barely known them in the beginning!

*December was a strange and cold and wonderful month! - iced in for 5 days! Since we were not going to see son #2 I got to go spend 5 days in ft. Lauderdale with him! He had never been the only child before! And it was the most special 5 days for me! He is not a big talker (till after a couple drinks! And then the window of opportunity is limited in subject! It was the first time we had had a chance to just relax and talk since he was just a little boy.... Thank you Big Rusty!!
Traveled from Granbury to Atl to Nashville to Russellville, Arkansas! To Oklahoma City! For a 12 day tour! It was great and we will go back to Oklahoma City!

*January just cold and well bla as far as I recall except I went to the GYM every day and lost 4 lbs!!

*February two weeks with that amazingly wonderful grand-Opal! She laughed and hugged and made me the happiest frozen Jaja in Michigan history!  for recent updates on Opal please see daughters amazing blog and 2 days after getting back home we facetimed and I am certain she remembered me!! ;-) also sucked it up and joined Weight Watchers and was as sick as could be for about 3 weeks!! (as of 03/28/14 down 11lbs!!)

*March we met real Granbury friends! Dee and Billy! and Diania and Bobby all at the Brewery! LOL!! and this feels like home to me. I can not imagine going back to Marietta. THAT IS AMAZING!

But the best thing is.... our oldest son and wife are on their way out here to live!! they just picked up and went out on a desire to try something new and wild and different (and rent free in the guest house till they find work! LOL)  THEN the youngest daughter will be back and Texas truly feels like home... now if i can just get that GrandOpal out here!!!

I really hope to make time to use this blog more regularly. It helps clear my mind and reminds me how truly quickly time passes unrecognized if you dont note it!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Wednesday wanderings

Found myself screaming from being alone the last couple of days. I don't know what this means about my own company but I had to pretend to have a life today.  After making it to the gym and burning breakfast calories in a matter of 35 mins I hit the showers , committed myself to empty two boxes while watching my new bff's "greys anatomy" (finished all seasons of private practice Tuesday) 
And now for the "business part of my wanderings.... Sit at coffee shop (with dependable wifi and blog)

Dressed casually in knee length flowing skirt and brown sleeveless top and sandals I strutted across the square as if I belong AND had important business to attend to once seated with coffee.  I really wanted a choco chip cookie but remembering what the scales said this morning and how hard it was to burn my breakfast I stayed strong and said "just coffee please".

Now seated at a table for two and typing away like a journalist documenting her experience I sit knowing that maybe only my daughter and possibly my sister will read this.... 
What to do with my life...

So we will do this I can make Wednesday my coffee on the square day.  I had started this once before when I visited Glen Rose and took so many pictures -- with a running monologue going inside my head.  So lets play catch up today
Glen Rose, TX is about 30 minutes from our house in granbury.  It is home to the Comanche nuclear power plant as well and squaw river.   

And really the only reason I would ever visit is to get a piece if pie from the Pie Peddlers (too many calories and short term joy)

The square has this STAR shaped fountain! (Surprised?)
And I met a gentleman than was very eager to tell me his childhood memory of coming to this ice house on Sundays for a big block of ice!
See below.. I am telling the truth!

An amazingly honest business person here!

Another claim to fame for the area - proof of dinasours! I do wonder what they will say now that science is pulling the plug on that story....but again not many areas can claim this!

And the local architecture is of simpler days and times.... Not sure that time has actually moved at all in this area now that i said that!

The houses back up to a river (name escapes me now--- no not Squaw creek!

And I wonder how you move real estate in places like this: 
But I do like the home porch.

And chimneys .... Stand alone chimneys have for ever caught my imagination. I mean families sat around  the fire places no matter the era and made memories. For whatever reason the home and family have moved on or passed on and left this stone marker of nights together.  
Glen Rose has such a chimney nested up to the river bank as well with two drive way entries...and an out building still standing... And so over grown like most man made changes to Mother Earth... 

 Only thing that can call this home now ...

And if you do decide to stay the night here they do still have rooms for the night....

Or small cabins!

Wonder how a family reacts to news they are going to glen rose for a week! Lol
Well let me see if there is anything else I need to tell you about this trip...
Texas markers are every where and even less interesting than any civil war marker... Excepti know that history and those battles so I care... I don't care about these .... Yet anyway

Well thank you for sharing this coffee with me it was like you were here except I did ALL the talking!

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Words some good some bad

Yesterday was a great battle of words.  on my cell phone the texts messages were flying between cousins and sisters and our daily activity.  One person had to throw a whine in almost every time! 
This was suppose to be a complain free zone and it was being abused. This frustrated me a lot and I responded in a smart ass way several times. --not Good! Have since apologized and will state clearly the rules when my heart is soft again.

Then after my blog posting our day began to unroll and after coffee it changed for the better -as it almost does 98% of the time. We got drivers license, sat on some couches before purchasing one, did a little art! Planned a little beer fest in our backyard! With just us! 

But then Einstein read my blog from the morning and it upset him. WHAT! I wrote that before I finished my coffee and was trying to work thru feelings of never seeing my kids when I wanted.

During the rest of the evening I felt shame great shame for upsetting him.  Why can't I be like my daughter and only write great things- why can't I be like our other daughter and say what I want and be over it. Shame is a very real thread that adds to the fabric of my life.  

"Maybe I should be through with words and choke on them in my sleep" Maybe I should put away all the desire to do something gratifying in my heart" "maybe if he knew me like I think he should by now he would see that it was a harmless post reflecting the first five minutes of my day!"

Then it hit me - I had written about the first moments of my morning - and that is all it was! Words reflect only a fraction of a day like walking past a mirror and seeing only you at that moment! Your hair is a wreck so you fix it and walk on by.

Einstein I am so sorry it upset you- I will reflect on PAST days so colors of the entire day are included. They are feelings and feelings can't be judged they just are. 

My days are colored in bright yellows and blues for all the energy received in interaction with those I love. But there is always a hint if lavender for the melancholic person I tend to be. There will be streaks of greens for the ways I want to grow and change even at 55!  And pools of reflective silver for me to sit and ponder certain moments--- these truly make up my day.  

The love we have is always always the frame for my day. At the end it always comes down to our love and life together that makes all the colors make sense.

I love you and so sorry that my rapidly  written words upset you - they were not a total pic of my day with you at all.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Fridays off

Einstein gets every other Friday off. Nice huh? Except it messes with my time! He needs to do things that aren't important to me but keep him busy -that is unless he can't find something! Which is every time he needs something. 
Now we are working on "broadcasting signal" to our guest house 100 yards away! 
(For the daughter that no longer wants to be here!) 
there are three boxes needed to do this and they have to fit in my decor some how! He has the radio playing out in the sun room and I can't hear it just enough to know its on! But he says he likes to hear it when he goes outside! Well he hasn't been outside but to let the dog in! Arrrrrrgh!

We will also get our drivers licenses, sit on couches (hope to purchase that today) a class at the gym and hoping a margarita is on the schedule as well!  The sun came out yesterday for the first time since getting back from Chicago

And it was almost as bight as this sweet baby:
 Haha love this face

Started a sketch class yesterday - my fav artist ever
And got so excited I found a couple things I want to utilize: 
Both are garden pieces
And this is a sketch inspired by a hair clip! Lol

Well dog is crying and I am just getting more and more agitated guess I will go shower and get this party started!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Jaja catch up

Morning, please be patient with me as there are so many half thoughts and ideas sauntering through my mind.  And it is a time to celebrate a truly magnificent change in the family tree-- 

Opal Roslyn born 2 weeks early via emergency c-section! 

This sweet baby made my days have such a newness! We are so proud do her and her parents!

July 4th!

Papa instant attachment for this small bundle was reflective of when we brought our own new babies home -- relaxed and patient

And the tears when I had to catch my plane where on the edge of hysteria!
(Ok she wanted to nurse it was really me screaming on the inside "I will be so far away!"

But really we are mesmerized watching our daughter so beautifully become a mother.  Our girls have always been such beautiful smart gifted young women and to see this one almost shine with motherly love just takes our breaths away.

-------------thoughts as a grandmother, the mother of the mother... 
It was hard and amazingly scary to hear that your grand baby's life was in danger from placenta abruption -- but of course my heart broke for our daughter while in great fear she had to accept the council of her doctor for the emergency c-section. And watch her cry as she discussed it with her wonderful calm husband and doctor, she was handed forms to sign (at least 100 it seemed like) I knew all the half thoughts going through her head and really you just have to do whatever they say and do it quickly.   ~as the mother of the mother I was told to get out of the way (I was trying to hold her hand) and suddenly just Dad and I were looking at each other - if he was afraid I didn't see it! He had stars in his eyes when he looked at me and said "it is really happening! We are having our baby today"  I should have hugged him but honestly I was so afraid that my fear would influence his excitement I didn't - I asked him to please keep me so updated that it would be like I was in there! 
Then as he has stated in his portion of the day - they told me to go out by the aquarium and wait for 2 hours! 
The next time I saw my own baby she was so high on motherhood that I had to join in! Even though I had been left in a scared to death state of mind! The nurse let me hold the baby and omg! She was beautiful and I was so so happy but I wanted to hug my baby! She had scared me to death! I remember touching her head, and running my fingers on her cheeks while she held her own baby and thinking, "you will always be my baby" - just like my own mother had said to me even on my 40th birthday - "I love you and soon you will know this love as well!"  This "birth day brought my own moms words and sentiments all back to life and I apologized to her again for not being aware of how hard my own childbirth experiences were on her! 

I spent the day with the new family in their room and my son in law is so fabulous in his care for my daughter that I really had nothing to do but watch and smile. He thought of things before she did! And when I left at 8:00 pm I couldn't wait to get home pour a wine call my big sister and just cry every single tear that I had held in all day long!  

What a day Opal! Welcome to the family! Welcome to the world! And Morgan and Andrew welcome to parenthood!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Wow my time to be a Jaja!

The day I leave to be with our daughter and her husband --- to wait for our first grandbaby!  We have stayed very close up to this point with texts and FaceTime and her blog, "A City for Three".

Where she tells of the ride of her first pregnancy and all of her excitement and hopes and plans for their little family.  I suppose this is the biggest difference at being the grandmother... I can not wait to hold and imagine but I am most excited to just BE present and embrace this child. As the grandmother the responsibility falls more in the support of a family than directing a child.  I want these new parents to do what they feels is best and most important for their daughter. My encouragement and any guidance will be to help mom and dad! The miracle of a new person will blow their socks off that I know! So when the daily grind and lack of sleep rob them of this amazing perspective I will scoop up the baby and allow them to breath in and energize - not only the first two weeks but ANY time the view is a bit fuzzy  with weariness.

They are an adorable couple with an outstanding perspective of love for one another and their families.

With that much to give it was very natural for them to bring a little one in on the joy!
This may very well me the social work I have dreamed off since a young college student a zillion years ago. I just want them to feel comfortable with my presence, not burdened or stressed.  They can share and cry and laugh with me without judgement because I know those feelings as well! And becoming a parent to another human being that you want only good and wonderous days for well it is the most challenging piece of life! But I know without a doubt they can do it they only need rest and love themselves!

Thank you both for allowing me to be there for you and thank you dear Einstein for just letting me be the ambassador of welcome for our daughter's daughter!