Tuesday, January 15, 2013

If anything were possible


1. If anything were possible, what would you most like to welcome in to your life? What might this require of you?

2. Is there anything in your life that you are ready to let go of? What direction would you move in, and what would be possible, if you did?

3. When you're feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, or self-critical, where do you put your attention? What do you give your energy to? Is this how you want to spend your time and resources?

4. When you feel hopeful, inspired, and connected, where do you put your attention? What do you give your energy to? As look forward in your life, what do you want to give your attention and energy to?

Ok so many things came to mind when I first pondered that statement
Travel more, romance, hell a clean house and a house keeper! When suddenly my heart fluttered and I realized my health is the only thing that is important. Not another thing will be enjoyable if I don't have my health.
I am very unhealthy at the moment! I feel my age plus some and if I don't get control it will make me older and sicker. I want healthy energy so badly that yes I am willing to do what I must to get it! Diet and exercise here I come again.

Impulsive unproductive, lazy self pity have saturated my very skin and filled my pores with filth so healthy detox that includes my morning java cause I have to have some bad habit!
I need alternatives to eating and excusing myself into obesity
Things to do:
Walk the marlzzz -- doodle flowers --- buy a magazine of healthy women --- do 20 mins yoga --
Read one motivational story on spark peps

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Nothing whimsical or magical about moving

We have been transferred back to Texas, and now we have a start date and so i was able to come up with a quit day for my job. Then came the dates of visiting out of state kids and I am able to know when the end will be here anyway.

In einstein's effort to seal all cracks he leaves everything open and nothing complete because what if.... Now we are holding on to a large gas guzzling land rover because what if we need it to move stuff for staging the house ( never mind we get money to take care of things like that)
It is very hard to get excited about moving all the random life distractions to another large home to be filled to the brim and weighted down so I eat and weigh more and stuff feelings for a short time. I remember when he tried to make me happy but then I also remember he admitted he tells me things just to get me to do what he wants and then doesn't do them --- we r not a team. We are two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year and I pray that not a single one
of our kids ever lives like this.

We scurried out last night on a "date" to the square which was nice. But by the end of dinner there wasn't much energy between us even if we did get a coffee! He was really tired "hadn't slept well all week" he came to bed long after me all week and was in bed every morning when I left for work.

Is it just my own mental state? Or have I become so cold and self protective that I don't let the good in? Ah to be young and trusting and not feel sluggish and used.

If reality is just a state of mind .... How can I get my own reality new dimension?

Have I mentioned I miss my kids they are a great distraction to us and I hate the gray of winter and moving

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Jan 02, 2013

Another very gray wet cold day which is a lot of them for Gawga. Didn't help that I woke at 3:00 am and could go back to sleep so got up and took the puppy for a walk. Might have been the best part of my day -- well that and einstein's hash browns with scrambled eggs. But he is so messy!
Made it thru the day with a couple micro naps and yes one even on the toilet resting my head on the roll! Lol
And then the topic returns of moving, and food and how I eat too much and have a bit of control issue:
“offenders” are foods we tend to eat compulsively”

Excerpt From: Guiliano, Mireille. “French Women Don't Get Fat.” Alfred A. Knopf, 2004-12-28. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
And often not as enjoyed as we might think hmmmmm

Also thought for the day.... You are aware that life is out of your control but be aware of the things in your life you can control....

I cannot control anything except my hands taking food to my mouth and my hands toeing my shoes to my feet for a walk

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Jan 1, 2013 here it comes ready or not

By 10:00 am I have gone out in the rain (yes another rainy day) and walked two dogs after cleaning one poo pile up! Fed the cats and now on to the second cup of coffee.

Not sure how to upload pics to this from my iPad so may have to use a new account at live journal--

But looking thru emails and all my fav blog artist and art instructors have some really powerful ideas and merchandise for helping me to have the most amazing year 2013

Already have a bit going on the first half - we are being relocated to Fort Worth, tx and our first grandchild is due 07/03/13 in Chicago.

But a couple of goals I have for self is to move away from living in the past or putting all my dreams into what ifs of the future. I would hope to embrace each moment as present and stop killing my life motivation in food and self pity. If I am mad be mad and let Einstein know it and why.
Awareness of who I am and what I need in simple terms of jen-zen aware 2013
(Photo from "zen beach" Alaska 2010 I weighed what I am comfortable with had all my kids to myself for a week almost perfect if sam hadn't turned into a demon mid point but it will never rob me of the time in a far away land with the Best parts of my life with me and Einstein