Nothing whimsical or magical about moving

We have been transferred back to Texas, and now we have a start date and so i was able to come up with a quit day for my job. Then came the dates of visiting out of state kids and I am able to know when the end will be here anyway.

In einstein's effort to seal all cracks he leaves everything open and nothing complete because what if.... Now we are holding on to a large gas guzzling land rover because what if we need it to move stuff for staging the house ( never mind we get money to take care of things like that)
It is very hard to get excited about moving all the random life distractions to another large home to be filled to the brim and weighted down so I eat and weigh more and stuff feelings for a short time. I remember when he tried to make me happy but then I also remember he admitted he tells me things just to get me to do what he wants and then doesn't do them --- we r not a team. We are two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year and I pray that not a single one
of our kids ever lives like this.

We scurried out last night on a "date" to the square which was nice. But by the end of dinner there wasn't much energy between us even if we did get a coffee! He was really tired "hadn't slept well all week" he came to bed long after me all week and was in bed every morning when I left for work.

Is it just my own mental state? Or have I become so cold and self protective that I don't let the good in? Ah to be young and trusting and not feel sluggish and used.

If reality is just a state of mind .... How can I get my own reality new dimension?

Have I mentioned I miss my kids they are a great distraction to us and I hate the gray of winter and moving